Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
