no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This baby is an asshole
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
