1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
