just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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