Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
