so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
