Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
