this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
