unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
