and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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