drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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