We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
