Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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