New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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