um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
