I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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