First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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