From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize