I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
