you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
