Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
