I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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