sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
