What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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