let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
