I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
