She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
