His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there was a trapeze. enough said
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
