Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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