We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
