so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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