In the future we'll all be gay
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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