Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize