My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
