I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
