Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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