Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
