My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
