So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
