day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
