I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
