There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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