where am i from again
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
