Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
