I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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