they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
