i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
