Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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