thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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