Duck Duck Cougar?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
