I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
