It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
