He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
