I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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