The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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