My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
