im having a threesome with these popsicles
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
