He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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