i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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