party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
