How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
