I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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