Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
