Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
