I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
