Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
