Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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