I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
