I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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