I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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