I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
