It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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